Most kids my age bring standard weekend stories to school Monday morning. Filled with hilarious anecdotes of drunken brick wall car crashings and late night relationship mistakes. But no one really wants to hear them. No one cares about your crazy nights out on the town, or your intoxicated foolishness. No one at all. Which is why I am going to share the tales of my alcohol-free-yet-terribly-sketchy weekend by offering you the following list:
FRIDAY (If you're singing the song right now, I just punched you in my head.):
1. Walked into Peet's coffee barefoot.
2. Accidentally broke the wing off of a small angel statuette and glued it together with melted marshmallow.
3. Almost fell into a bonfire.
4. Walked to Alston Park at 2 in the morning, unknowingly approached a midway completed parking lot drug deal and was screamed at be three creepy guys to get out of their park.
SATURDAY:
1. At the Farmer's Market a fully grown man threw cherries at me like he was a little kid.
2. Jose found out I've been blogging about him. It was awkward.
3. Ran into my Aunt and Uncle in Peet's. They live about 4 hours away...
4. Crazy man spilled water all over me.
5. Ran around Walmart at midnight with the ukulele.
6. Had to climb in a window at 1:00AM to get back in the house.
SUNDAY:
1. Man walked into the restaurant with a full sized garden gnome in his backpack.
2. Had an interesting conversation about which is worse: Rape v. Burned alive. I chose life.
3. Was proposed to by the same acquaintance who kissed me Saturday.
Ehhhh....
I mean, I can only take so much of this nonsense.
No comments:
Post a Comment