Let's just say the sketchy followed my to Disneyland. Beneath the giant lollys, awkward clothing decisions, and frustratingly long lines, lay the Happiest (sketchiest) place on earth.
The following is just a sampler:
1. Mullets. God Awful.
2. Little boys roughly the age of 12 apparently unsure as to whether or not they are supposed to follow their mothers into the Ladies' restroom.
3. Nasty things goin' down in front of us on Pirates of the Caribbean.
4. Leashes. For babies.
5. Elevators with at least three separate Asian families inside. Plus me. Ehh.
6. Awkward encounters with Captain Hook.
7. Awkward encounters with costumed Disney characters in general.
8. Giant turkey legs. Are they supposed to be that big??
9. Getting locked out of the hotel room with only an ice bucket.
10. Friendly conversations with strangers concerning incest.
11. Tinted vans full of people at bus rest stops.
Well that was my four-day weekend, in a nutshell. Happy Memorial day Friends.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Birthday Sketch.
Today started off like any other day.
I did not go to heaven nor hell. And I have yet to be destroyed by the fiery inferno big-ole-bag-o'-awful that God is supposed to attack us with. So that was good.
I woke up, made myself some Gluten Free toast. (It's made of rice. Really dense. I could probably knock out intruders with it). Then went to work. After work, I participated in a party celebrating my birth. Whipped some cream, Amish-Status by hand. And ate some Key Lime Pie. However, the strangest event of the evening, was a phone call that interrupted "It Takes Two" (Pretty much the Mary-Kate and Ashley version of 'The Parent Trap', except in this movie they aren't twins, which makes ZERO sense, because they're twins in real life. Anyways.) The call was from a man by the name of "Pastor Peacock". A minister of a Baptist church in Oakland. He called at 10 o'clock at night to inform me that he has found my stolen cell phone. The phone that was taken from me at the beach months ago. The one that caused me to lose faith in humanity. The one that helped me decide to live without unnecessary technology for weeks. Anyways. He found the kid who took it. And has my phone. No sign of a left flip flop yet but the jury's still out on that one. I couldn't believe it. So strange he would call on my birthday.
Then, I drove home to the Creepy Mansion which I am house-sitting. And encountered two abandoned vehicles on the side of the cliff. This observation wouldn't be such a big deal if they:
1) Weren't within 200 feet of Creepy Mansion. Which they were.
And, 2) Weren't within the confines of a locked gate with a passcode....
As I walked in the front door, I realized it was unlocked.Which was concerning. I would search the house, but I'm tired. And I don't particularly want to find rapists hidden in wardrobes right now.
So. It was a beautifully concerning Birthday. Here's to another year of Sketchiness. If I'm attacked in the night by the creepy people parked in the driveway, thanks for being such dedicated readers.
I did not go to heaven nor hell. And I have yet to be destroyed by the fiery inferno big-ole-bag-o'-awful that God is supposed to attack us with. So that was good.
I woke up, made myself some Gluten Free toast. (It's made of rice. Really dense. I could probably knock out intruders with it). Then went to work. After work, I participated in a party celebrating my birth. Whipped some cream, Amish-Status by hand. And ate some Key Lime Pie. However, the strangest event of the evening, was a phone call that interrupted "It Takes Two" (Pretty much the Mary-Kate and Ashley version of 'The Parent Trap', except in this movie they aren't twins, which makes ZERO sense, because they're twins in real life. Anyways.) The call was from a man by the name of "Pastor Peacock". A minister of a Baptist church in Oakland. He called at 10 o'clock at night to inform me that he has found my stolen cell phone. The phone that was taken from me at the beach months ago. The one that caused me to lose faith in humanity. The one that helped me decide to live without unnecessary technology for weeks. Anyways. He found the kid who took it. And has my phone. No sign of a left flip flop yet but the jury's still out on that one. I couldn't believe it. So strange he would call on my birthday.
Then, I drove home to the Creepy Mansion which I am house-sitting. And encountered two abandoned vehicles on the side of the cliff. This observation wouldn't be such a big deal if they:
1) Weren't within 200 feet of Creepy Mansion. Which they were.
And, 2) Weren't within the confines of a locked gate with a passcode....
As I walked in the front door, I realized it was unlocked.Which was concerning. I would search the house, but I'm tired. And I don't particularly want to find rapists hidden in wardrobes right now.
So. It was a beautifully concerning Birthday. Here's to another year of Sketchiness. If I'm attacked in the night by the creepy people parked in the driveway, thanks for being such dedicated readers.
Monday, May 9, 2011
My Sketchtastic Weekend.
Most kids my age bring standard weekend stories to school Monday morning. Filled with hilarious anecdotes of drunken brick wall car crashings and late night relationship mistakes. But no one really wants to hear them. No one cares about your crazy nights out on the town, or your intoxicated foolishness. No one at all. Which is why I am going to share the tales of my alcohol-free-yet-terribly-sketchy weekend by offering you the following list:
FRIDAY (If you're singing the song right now, I just punched you in my head.):
1. Walked into Peet's coffee barefoot.
2. Accidentally broke the wing off of a small angel statuette and glued it together with melted marshmallow.
3. Almost fell into a bonfire.
4. Walked to Alston Park at 2 in the morning, unknowingly approached a midway completed parking lot drug deal and was screamed at be three creepy guys to get out of their park.
SATURDAY:
1. At the Farmer's Market a fully grown man threw cherries at me like he was a little kid.
2. Jose found out I've been blogging about him. It was awkward.
3. Ran into my Aunt and Uncle in Peet's. They live about 4 hours away...
4. Crazy man spilled water all over me.
5. Ran around Walmart at midnight with the ukulele.
6. Had to climb in a window at 1:00AM to get back in the house.
SUNDAY:
1. Man walked into the restaurant with a full sized garden gnome in his backpack.
2. Had an interesting conversation about which is worse: Rape v. Burned alive. I chose life.
3. Was proposed to by the same acquaintance who kissed me Saturday.
Ehhhh....
I mean, I can only take so much of this nonsense.
FRIDAY (If you're singing the song right now, I just punched you in my head.):
1. Walked into Peet's coffee barefoot.
2. Accidentally broke the wing off of a small angel statuette and glued it together with melted marshmallow.
3. Almost fell into a bonfire.
4. Walked to Alston Park at 2 in the morning, unknowingly approached a midway completed parking lot drug deal and was screamed at be three creepy guys to get out of their park.
SATURDAY:
1. At the Farmer's Market a fully grown man threw cherries at me like he was a little kid.
2. Jose found out I've been blogging about him. It was awkward.
3. Ran into my Aunt and Uncle in Peet's. They live about 4 hours away...
4. Crazy man spilled water all over me.
5. Ran around Walmart at midnight with the ukulele.
6. Had to climb in a window at 1:00AM to get back in the house.
SUNDAY:
1. Man walked into the restaurant with a full sized garden gnome in his backpack.
2. Had an interesting conversation about which is worse: Rape v. Burned alive. I chose life.
3. Was proposed to by the same acquaintance who kissed me Saturday.
Ehhhh....
I mean, I can only take so much of this nonsense.
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