An April Fool's Day Rant.

So, I have officially lost all faith in humanity.

Went to the beach today. I must have absentmindedly been predicting the future, when I mentioned the universe was trying to keep me from Bodega Bay. First, some prick in a BMW decided to drive ten MPH under the speed limit. Really? You're in a BM flipping W. Pick up the pace grandpa. Then, as soon as they finally turned off the highway, a truck complete with a miniature pony trailer cuts me off. Seriously? You own a pony. Where could you possibly be needed. Then about three old men over the age of 90 decide to cross the street, and four small children dart into the road. Finally, I am free from roadblocks and a Fed-Ex pulls out of a driveway in front of me....then I shoot myself in the head. Not really.

Then, we set up our nest in the sand dune and ate lunch, and went down to the sand (to wait thirty minutes so the sharks wouldn't be attracted to us). And drew pictures with large sticks in the sand. But when we returned to the nest, I noticed there was sand all over my towel. Let me tell you something about me. If there is one thing I hate, it's a sandy towel. I do not tolerate sandy towels. So since I knew it wasn't me who destroyed the picnic area, I became suspicious. My suspicions were acknowleged when I noticed my left Rainbow flip flop was missing, so I looked around. It was no where in sight. Then I checked my purse, and emptied it out to find my cell phone was missing as well.

Son of a Buck. WHAT IS WRONG WITH TODAY'S YOUTH! Why must you annihilate all good feelings! Do something productive you hoodlums! Go take up knitting or volunteer at the homeless shelter! Do you really have nothing better to do than ruin my life. And for God's sake just take both shoes! Don't patronize me!

Needless to say, I was furious.

And then after I swam in the ocean, (Pretty damn freezing if you were wondering), we left and I had no shoes, and no cell phone. And I then decided: Why would I ever need a cell phone? I can just drive to peoples' houses and show up at their doorsteps because I have a sketchy life and no one will question it. So, I am now, Chelsea: Girl With No Cell Phone.

This also spurred the question of money? Why does it control everything? I also decided, I would be perfectly happy, living in poverty, in a hut in the Himalayas. With no cell phone. Perfectly happy.

So, I embark into the world of limited electronic communication, where I play the ukulele for entertainment.

Look out world.