It started out as a normal Babysitting job...
Actually no. It didn't. I was recruited to sit two kids I'd never met before from San Francisco, at the Westin Hotel Resort. (In a hotel room). I should have seen a couple red flags there. Random people, random hotel, going to a 40th birthday party... But I decided that I should be grateful I wasn't babysitting in some back room of a motel, and helped a sistah out.
When I arrived at the door the mom answered it in her party dress and heels. She seemed nice enough: blonde, around 38, normal, introduced me to the kids, all that jazz. Then the dad pokes his head through the bedroom door and says, "Hun....will you pass me my pants...". Awkward.
Then they left, not easily though, with the sobbing of the six year old. But I cheered her up as soon as they left with my charisma and dance moves. The night went on, I killed them at Bocce Ball, we ordered room service, had a dance party, watched Everybody Hates Chris, and then they passed out after the sugar high. A pretty standard night.
It wasn't until about 12:30 when the parents came home, that things got weird.
I get a call on my cell phone, and it's the dad asking if I'll open the door for them, because "uh, the key has been misplaced..." So I go over to the door, and I open it to see the two of them standing, her completely soaking wet, with no shoes, and her dress pretty much completely unzipped. She RUNS past me to the bathroom. And he, smelling strongly of alcohol, looks super pissed off. I go into the other room to get my shoes and purse, and the mom hasn't closed the door and is hunched over peeing on the toilet. Classy. He explains to me, that after a few drinks too many, she ripped off her dress and jumped into the pool in her bra and thong. Classy. The dad only has 23 dollars in his wallet, so we venture to the lobby to find a cash machine.
We get into the elevator, and apologizes to me for seeing his wife in such a state. He says, that is one of the disadvantages of their marriage, her being a partier...and 12 years younger than him. Awkward. Then we get to the lobby. It's almost one in the morning. I'm with an old man, trying to find a cash machine. In a hotel. The whole staff thought I was a prostitute. We are sent to this awkwardly placed cash machine at the back of the hotel. It doesn't work. We go to a super sketch back room ATM and it's out of order too. So we walk across the street to the Umpqua ATM and he falls down some stairs. And finally we get the money. And he pays me twice as much as he should have. Probably because I saw his wife shitfaced and peeing. Or because he was completely wasted himself.
As I walk out to my car, now past one in the morning, the doorman says to me, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Probably because he thought I was a hooker. Jesus Christ.
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